Unnamed.............

I thought I can sacrifice,

But deep down I knew it won't suffice.

You rekindled it all,

But I fear its all going to fall.

Unable to hide them, conceal them,

I try to run.

When questions are asked,

I keep mum.

I fear running that last mile,

I know will take me there.

I lie to you, I put on faces,

I try to walk, but I sway.

I push myself away, away from you.

But its all gone, when I see you.

I don't want my destiny this way.

I don't want to feel it this way.

But its too good, too lovely, too beautiful to lose.

Its so much harder than it seems.

But somehow I got caught in between.

I can't show, I can't explain.

But I hope you understand.

Delhi as I saw

There is a very peculiar thing about criticism. It tends to strike our mind pretty fast and sometimes can even have a prolonged effect which can erode our sense of rational judgment. While writing this I kept one simple thing in my mind, I won’t subject my writing to any kind of bias. I would simply narrate things as I saw and would give my honest perspective of the events in the past few weeks. The run up to the Commonwealth Games was very disturbing to the common man. The common man, who honestly pays his taxes, listens to news channels and castes his vote to select a privileged few to run our country was deeply in pain as one after the other frauds unfolded and a serious question mark stayed on whether we would even be able to conduct the games. Adding to this was the media, who constantly focused on what went wrong and why and how. Not that I am blaming they were wrong. They easily justified their role by saying that media as the fourth estate has a big responsibility to protect the interest of the common man by exposing government and bureaucratic failures and scandals. Deadlines lingered on and on. Collapses occurred, budgets increased and many more things I came to know because of the 24*7 news. The government was also baffled and in a bid to save its already tarnished image, it went into emergency mode. Leaving all that aside, there was another picture which I saw with my friends. Thanks to my college giving me a few days off, I got an opportunity to explore what lied beyond Noida sector 37. So I with couple of my friends decided to explore what is really going on in Delhi. Normally one would have preferred to see the grand sports extravaganza, but I decided to take a different course. I landed up in Connaught place, one of the busiest places in Delhi and surely the digging up of which must have hurt the Delhiites most. But to good surprise everything was fixed. Another surprise awaited us at the Baba Kharak Singh Marg. The Incredible India festival was going on. Food stalls from all the country were there. There were handicrafts, paintings and many other pieces of art all together at one place, right in the heart of Delhi. The place was so full of energy with cheerful and laughing people around and there was really a sense of celebration in the air. And how can I forget to mention that free coke, yup chilled cold drink was also being distributed, although it would have certainly cropped up in the comments section. The roads were not so crowded for a change, the pollution was also not there and walking on the sideways was an exercise one could enjoy without having to cough or cover one’s mouth. From there on we headed to be a spectator to Jashn-e-Dilli or more known as Delhi celebrates. From riveting dance performances like mohiniyattam to spectacular music performances, it surely is one of the most beautiful memories I have captured over a period of time. We enjoyed a lot the Commonwealth games, although we saw none of the games. One of my friends even said, it doesn’t feel like Delhi, so much big was the transition. But how can one insulate oneself from media. Although the resounding success of the Indian athletes notching up second highest number of gold medals did bring the smile back on our faces, the games truly belonged to the common man, who volunteered to make it a grand success, who paid taxes to construct the village. It is the common man because of whom metro is possible. Undoubtedly the hero of the Commonwealth games has been the common man, who cheered for each and every athlete irrespectively of which state he or she came from. The medals also proved that sports, which was once restricted to the elite few is now in the hands of the strong Indian middle class from small towns. But India’s success has given fuel to a very disturbing discussion. Is the success of an Indian Athlete an individual’s success or is it really the success of the sports bodies and the government. Leaving that debate aside which in future might be the basis of another one of my writings, I was lucky enough to have enough free time to witness the opening and the closing ceremonies and just watching those two would have silenced any critic who ever doubted India’s ability to accomplish any feat. But all said and done, India finishing second, the games gone without any terrorist attack, the black spot of the corruption and irresponsible handling would never be gone. A friend of mine told me, we are experts at getting things done in the 11th hour, I think this mindset seriously need to change if anything long lasting and concrete has to be achieved. We are getting another chance by getting to host the cricket world cup. Although nothing as compared to the CWG, it is still a good opportunity to show that we have changed and not merely moved on from the CWG debacle.

A Term to Remember

I decided just to sit down, let some words flow and write something, but an idea stuck me. Read through the lines and see for yourself the idea and the writing. I don’t know how many times I will feel nostalgic writing this piece but I will relive all those moments for sure and for countless times .When I came to IWSB I came with a feeling that somewhere I belong. But now after the first term has been done with I think I do belong here. It was the larger than life seminar delivered by Sreeni at CL Jalandhar which played a key role in me coming here. Fast forwarding to 20th of June when we all a bunch of anxious, apprehensive strangers came together for the first time, sat together under one roof for the first time. It was a good session, and it did eased the butterflies in the stomachs a lot. Then came the classes, but it was the outbound that all waited for anxiously and the wait attached to it was really killing me softly. In the End it came but also went like speed of sound. And it was time to quit playing games and do some serious work and with Veeresh waiting for us, it was all serious business. The pre- term went away with some sleepless nights and with one last breath we sat for our first exam of the b-school journey. We welcomed the first term with stars in our eyes and laptops in our hands to finish the outbound experience article. Nevertheless it all began on very positive note for me at least. The classes went on and so did the assignments. Most the times we were crawling back to our beds at night with finished assignments and reading. But then there were times where we had to wake up early and make a move. All these had an effect on us as many of our esteemed batch mates dozed off frequently in the classes and some became vegetables in the process. We were then swept away with a flurry of infections. Many of us went home, for some it was the last train home before the term end and for many it was a regular routine after that. The classes and the assignments still continued. Srijan came and all were engaged in displaying their artistic and business minds. The classes still went on. New leaders emerged and confidence in the class grew especially of the b.com battalion as Raju sir handed over the baton to Joshi sir to teach financial accounting. Somewhere down the line there was furore about too many assignments, too much work being given. But it was all resolved in a way which can be at best described as laissez faire. On came many other celebrations like Freshers party, Janmashtami, teacher day. But who can forget the day when their birthday was celebrated in the hostel. These are just the memories that just never fade away. But during all these white things, there was black also. In came a smooth criminal, dropped a bomb with just writing a few lines. Many parts of my life of the past three months still look like a dream to me. I still cannot believe the faces I knew on Facebook three months ago are so close to me that I trusted them with my life. I knew Vicky, Shweta, Prateek, Padmaja all on facebook but today these are not just faces they are my pillars. My friends Uns, Shweta, Vipin, Shubhangi, Aakhansha, Niharika gave me so much that I was overwhelmed with emotions. You guys you are just the best. If I were to spend my whole life here, I would prefer to spend it with you guys and Leave out all the rest. All those moments of joy we had are still a mystery to me, but have made me change and I guess change for the better. I was blessed to have a person who could guide me in mudassir and I could go to him when all other ways were blocked. Towards the end I found a new kind of bonding with Rishab, maybe out of competition, but man you are good. IWSB gave me a gift in Raju sir. Sir thanks to you I could face many things I could not have thought of. All these things finally converged to the last week of the term, where sleepless nights went to their peak. It was time to smack the exams to get smacked. Thankfully they went without much of a big incident, and all I can say after all this is good riddance.

How did I lose my creativity?

Its 1.00 am, but its ok, the deadline is by 5.00 am. I know I can afford to wait for some ideas to come up. And the very next moment I see its 3.00 am, oh man the time is going too fast and I haven’t written a word of my assignment. I switch on my laptop and sit down trying to jot down something. I type in some words which at best can be used to describe my confused state of mind. I wait for some time, delete the whole line and try to get more ideas. Then I turn to professor Google seeking some inspiration, but as soon as a result pops up I was doing Ctrl+A and suddenly was taken aback by the very realization, it’s going to be termed plagiarism. Time seems running out on me. I leave my room for a short walk. Then I come back, time is already past 4.00 am. Now it’s the time where I am willing to write whatever comes to my mind and then after a short pause, I feel it’s all blank and the sound of an ECG losing the heartbeat of a person go through my mind. Suddenly I get an idea and I start typing it. Just to be on a safer side I turn my head to look at the deadly wall clock which said 4.50 am. The rest is better left unsaid.
What I wanted to convey here was my feeling how deadlines eventually end up killing a person’s creativity. There is a big trade off between time and creativity. You want to sit in a quiet place, observe nature and seek inspiration to create something. But if you have a deadline to meet invariably you will end up sitting in front of some liquid crystals and stare at brick, mortar or at best some plastics for inspiration. However I do agree most of the things in this world would not have been done if somebody did not put a date in front of them. What I felt was a big transition, coming to a b-school, going through the rigmarole of learning the ways of the corporate world. But eventually it’s the work that wins and makes you happy. But is this happiness worth losing my creativity?

The Last Dream

I jump without knowing where will i land,
To look for land, I push away like sand.

As I go closer and closer, I look where will I be,
But then I find, this is not where I destined to be.

Now I feel like drowning, I am out of breath,
Is this the closest I can get to my death.

And then with a quick sound, it all just snaps.
It feels like a rebirth, but its just a trap.

I wash my face, I clear my thoughts.
But to me its all your separation has brought.

I walk down the street, which goes somewhere.
I hope to find you, but you are nowhere.

Till I come to a point, where I no more dream,
I no more live and I no more exist.